In Praise of Dinner Parties
Civilization may be a freighted concept, worn down by cultural criticisms and an imperial legacy, but it nonetheless has its benefits. And one of my favorites is the dinner party. I’m not talking a fancy dinner party – no servers, please – and I’m not talking about eating with children and one’s fingers. Rather, a good meal prepared by adult hosts for adult guests. Food, drink, conviviality and above all, conversation. A well-considered dinner party envelops its participants in a civilizing aura.
I usually try to arrive at dinner party with a bottle of wine. It shouldn’t be too expensive – that would be showing off, but it must not be cheap, either. The right bottle show that you have given the event some thought. Perhaps a lesser known vintage that is a personal favorite? I’ve learned many a good vineyard from the gifts of guests. If the wine poses too much of a challenge, there are always flowers, or maybe a sweet. Never arrive empty-handed. It would be inconsiderate and one of the values that makes for a successful dinner party, for successful adult friendship, is consideration.
Different hosts have different approaches to hors d’oeuvres. Cheese, olives and crackers define the broad middle, with dips, salsas and chips equally prevalent. The aim is not sustenance, but to keep everyone’s blood sugar high to remain active and to make sure that all have something in their stomach to slow the potential impact of alcohol. Inappropriate behavior may be tolerated, but never before dinner.
When the guests are engaged, the environment comfortable, and the food and drink tasty, dinner parties offer adults a rare chance to socialize at a leisurely pace. Work does not have to be a topic of discussion; nor need it be politics, religion or family. The boundaries of the conversation can be set mutually, and in fact often are implicitly. Almost never, though, is real estate neglected. Real estate, in one or more of its many forms, is a topic of discussion in virtually ever dinner party I have ever attended.
Enjoyable dinner party conversation pings from query to disclosure, from sincerity to humor, from objectivity to flirtation – all of which should be practiced without too much zeal. Everyone should talk. And although one voice invariable is louder and longer than the others, as long as it does not dominate, love and unity will prevail. Dinner party conversation is not argumentative, persuasive or declaratory; it is collaborative and an end in itself.
Conversation does not have to zip at a good party, either. It can meander, focus, and then split away and forge in new directions. Rarely can it be mapped. If the food is particularly good, relaxed pauses are exceptionally welcome. They also assure any anxiety on the part of the host.
Pundits and curmudgeons regularly bemoan the poor behavior of younger generations. It’s a well-known complaint, for pundits and curmudgeons have been making it for decades. Yet even with years and years of decline, dinner parties seem to have remained a fixture in adult socializing. Thank goodness. And yes, I will have another glass of wine and I’m looking forward to some dessert. Thank you so very much for the invitation.